she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I would fuck him just for his dog
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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