I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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