so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
