possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
