Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I came so hard my ears popped.
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