OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
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