im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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