my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
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