Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
