Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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