I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
