He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
