The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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