so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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