Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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