last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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