I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
