he thought i was a dude.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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