Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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