So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
