After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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