Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
