Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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