I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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