I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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