I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
