so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
