We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
