Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
