Taylor Swift is so right about you.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
