then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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