Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
