I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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