Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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