I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
