I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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