do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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