I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
