quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize