Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
