That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
