either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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