I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
