We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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