it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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