Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
