just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
