I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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