totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
