why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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