He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
