Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
