I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
