I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
