woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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