i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
