And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
