Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
