I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
did i walk over a car last night?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
