I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
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You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
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The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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