Nicole vs. Life
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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