I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
