dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
