I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
