I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
