Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
