actually, I'm a sock model
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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