I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
