If i come over, it means nothing
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
