My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
