Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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