The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
