i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
