Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
