If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
