Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
